Saturday, December 1, 2012

Parking Lot Etiquette

Who ever says that they LOVE to just spend their time roaming around in parking lots? No one. Then why are there always people driving their cars aimlessly throughout basically every parking lot--especially in LA. There needs to be a section in the driving test from the DMV on how to function as a integral part of society in parking lots. Until they do so, I will take it upon myself to educate the lesser beings of America (aka those annoying bitches who don't use their turn signals in parking lots).

Things to do:

  • Actively pay attention
    • There are 50 other people behind you who do not care about how funny your snapchat was.
  • Use your turn signals
    • You cannot "claim" a spot just by telling yourself, "I'm a strong, independent black woman and ain't no one gonna tell me otherwise."
  • Go with the flow of the other cars
    • Do not be that stingy bitch who has to go 5mph (not even touching the gas pedal).

Things NOT to do:
  • Park a large car in a compact spot
    • No explanation necessary.
  • Stop to talk to a friend who is leaving the parking lot or going to opposite direction
    • You're obviously going to see them again. And if you're catching up in the middle of a parking lot, you need to re-evaulate that relationship.
  • Take an excessive amount of time to leave your parking spot
    • In some neighborhoods, you will get shot for this.
  • Parking your car on the van-accesible side region of a handicapped spot
    • It doesn't matter if you are a handicapped designated driver, you still look like a douche. There are still other handicapped people that need that walkway.
Things I will hunt you down for:
  • Not driving your car all the way into the spot
    • Your car should never be sticking out of the line of cars nor should you be allowed to drive.
  • Pulling into a parking spot when it has already been claimed
    • If you are hit by the car that has already claimed the spot, ignorance is not an excuse for insurance companies. Fuck off and find another parking spot.
  • Driving the wrong direction in a one-way parking lot
    • Once explanation necessary.
  • Double parking
    • Who are you

  • Not parking within the lines
    • Those white lines on the floor are not where you line up the center of your car. 

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