Parking Lot Etiquette

Who ever says that they LOVE to just spend their time roaming around in parking lots? No one. Then why are there always people driving their cars aimlessly throughout basically every parking lot--especially in LA. There needs to be a section in the driving test from the DMV on how to function as a integral part of society in parking lots. Until they do so, I will take it upon myself to educate the lesser beings of America (aka those annoying bitches who don't use their turn signals in parking lots).

Things to do:

• Actively pay attention
• There are 50 other people behind you who do not care about how funny your snapchat was.
• Use your turn signals
• You cannot "claim" a spot just by telling yourself, "I'm a strong, independent black woman and ain't no one gonna tell me otherwise."
• Go with the flow of the other cars
• Do not be that stingy bitch who has to go 5mph (not even touching the gas pedal).

Things NOT to do:

• Park a large car in a compact spot
• No explanation necessary.
• Stop to talk to a friend who is leaving the parking lot or going to opposite direction
• You're obviously going to see them again. And if you're catching up in the middle of a parking lot, you need to re-evaulate that relationship.
• Take an excessive amount of time to leave your parking spot
• In some neighborhoods, you will get shot for this.
• Parking your car on the van-accesible side region of a handicapped spot
• It doesn't matter if you are a handicapped designated driver, you still look like a douche. There are still other handicapped people that need that walkway.

Things I will hunt you down for:

• Not driving your car all the way into the spot
• Your car should never be sticking out of the line of cars nor should you be allowed to drive.
• Pulling into a parking spot when it has already been claimed
• If you are hit by the car that has already claimed the spot, ignorance is not an excuse for insurance companies. Fuck off and find another parking spot.
• Driving the wrong direction in a one-way parking lot
• Once again...no explanation necessary.
• Double parking
• Who are you

• Not parking within the lines
• Those white lines on the floor are not where you line up the center of your car. 

Bitches on the Freeway

So I do write about cars and how amazing these cars are. But no Porsche, Mercedes or even Honda is going to be sick ass if the driver of that vehicle is a little bitch. I recently had to spend 4+ hours on the freeway driving to and back from a friend's birthday celebration. Never in my life have I been so frustrated. I had dealt with pretty much every annoyance that anyone could experience while driving on  the freeway.

Here is what pissed me off the most:

• Braking when the car in front of you slows down
• Braking to see the remains of a car accident
• Braking in general on the freeway is just not necessary
• Whenever my speedometer goes below 65 mph
• Whenever  I had to completely stop my car
• Driving behind some ghetto car that does not have functioning brake lights
• Driving behind some douche that thinks they're too cool to use their signals 
• Anyone that drives AT 65 mph in the FIRST lane of I-80
• When there is traffic only because people are BRAKING ON THE FREEWAY
• When I get stuck in the slow lane
• Trucks
• Hybrids
• Cars that tailgate my ass then pass me then drive slower than I am so that I have to pass them

So true

Basically, I wanted to kill myself. I was not even in the mood to stop for Starbucks because I just was so intent on getting home by lunchtime.  It took me a total of three hours to get from Fremont to Davis. No. That should never happen. Consider this blog post to be a Public Service Announcement for all Americans. If you cannot drive properly on the freeway, GTFO. 

Why is this car braking? WHY? GTFO!

Texting Trolls

I have come to the point in my life where the main form of communication I maintain with people, is through text messaging. Texting more people and more frequently will eventually lead to one encountering the dreadful texting troll. What is a texting troll? A texting troll is pretty much anyone that can cause any sort of annoyance to you due to texting. Let's take for example someone who you just met at a party and you exchange numbers. A texting troll will repeatedly text you throughout the night trying to reconnect even though you are obviously preoccupied. Or it could they could be the opposite. Say you have a lunch plans with a friend and he or she is such a troll that they will not respond to your texts until they arrive at the location only to text you, "where are you?" Texting troll. Don't be one. Stay away from them.

Here are some signs of a texting troll:

• Respond to your text with something out of the blue and irrelevant
• Fail to respond within an appropriate time frame
• Respond way too quickly
• Use grammar that makes the message completely incomprehensible
• Repeatedly resend basically the same message
• Send message as an iMessage and then as a text message (iPhones only)
• Respond to a text you sent in a group text in a different thread (iPhones only)
• Turn off their iMessage and send messages through text (iPhones only)
• Double texting
• One word responses

If you do any of the previous things, stop. Now.

Example of a multiple offender.

In some urgent cases, repeat messages are necessary.

Follow @awkkvish